Sometimes, when readers send me questions, they beg to be shared, because in them is a broad wondering, the raising of a collective hand by many who are saying that's my question, too. From a reader named Cathy, here's one for all of us:
This has been on my mind for a while and I wanted to ask you....were you ever fearful of making such a huge change to downsize? Were you scared of missing closet space, a garage, and so on? As you know, my husband and I are soon to be making a change to downsize after living in our home for 30 years. I am excited, but a little scared at the exact same time...I was curious on the emotions you went through during your big change.
Dear Cathy,
Yes. We were terrified, and went through every emotion in the book. Because, even when you are sure you're heading in the right direction, you're pretty sure you're not. Who in their right mind intentionally does what we were about to do? Who puts their growing family into a smaller space instead of a larger one. Would the idea fall to pieces? Would 665 square feet be enough? Would we be capable of living small? Would we fall to pieces? These wonderings, these fears, were very real for us.
Add to that the lack of precedent. Much as I tried, I couldn't find current documentation of a family of five intentionally living small. The beginning emergence of tiny houses at that time had produced stories of singles, couples, and the rare family of three living with less, but, I couldn't find anything about a family larger than that. From the beginning, like pioneers, we had to trust our idea, listen to our longing, juggle fear in one hand and hope in the other, and make trail.
The other very real part of our story going into living small is that we had just experienced an enormous financial loss, one that bluntly set us back to the beginning. Our once-perfect credit had taken a huge blow, rendering us unable to qualify for any type of loan (the propane company wouldn't even give us an account - not even when I explained that I didn't want an account, I wanted to pay in full for each propane delivery. They refused to service us. Thankfully, I found a different company who would take cash), so we literally had two options: build small with cash, or rent a small apartment. When we looked at it this way, the choice almost made itself. The cost of a garage, lots of closets, and extra rooms had been so deep for us, that the idea of living in a paid-for 665 square foot house was truly a beautiful thing.
But, this little house would require things of us (read this through, and you'll see that the twins of finding & losing, hope & fear, and sorrow & joy are inseparable, each linked inextricably to the other in this life). This house would require off-loading. It would require giving away. It would require a reckoning. Needs shifted; wants changed. Perspectives were aligned along a new plane.
In anticipation of our build, we began to realize that we didn't really need all that we'd filled those extra closets with in the first place. A garage had been nice, but in the end, for us it wasn't a necessity, so we planned for a shed to take its place. On the other hand, stripping everything away would have been a disrespect to who we are. Sitting down and really listening to our hearts, our intentions, our desires, seeing the tangible interpretation of that, then making room for it in the little house was absolutely key. And in the process of naming the meaningful, we found that we were actually discovering ourselves instead of losing ourselves. We uncovered a definition of us that we hadn't really known before. One more keen & detailed; tailored.
The blessed part of an anticipated downsizing, is that it doesn't have to happen fully and completely in one fell swoop. I would say, take it by steps (we still are). Begin before you need to begin. Discover now what is most important for you & your lifestyle. When I truly didn't know what to do with an item, I boxed it up and kept it for a while longer. Over time, the attachment would either wane or remain, then I knew what it's destiny was. The most recent purge we did saw us giving away even more of the things we thought we'd always keep. Layers, one by one, coming loose and falling away.
One final thing: it seems that the prevalent thought in this current simplicity/downsize/tiny house movement is that living small, or living less is the goal. My feeling is that living well should be the aspiration. Because when you truly contemplate and understand what living well means on a personal level, there will follow a retooling of life, out of which will come a home that is right-size; big enough for your life, and small enough for it, too.
All best,
Carmella
P.S. If you haven't discovered them already, here is a series of posts about how we came to live in our little house. There are even more posts of little-house interst in the 665 sq ft tab at the top of this page.
Have you been looking for a tastefully designed, small house plan that lives large? You may just find what you've been seeking in the newly-released Shelter Collection - four small floor plans designed for gracious living in 900-1400 square feet. Peruse the study plans & building plans here.
